I miss my boots
January 27, 2009
Due to neuropathic problems with my feet I haven’t been able to wear my cowboy boots for awhile and it’s driving me crazy. I, like many people, took my boots for granted and now I feel so ashamed. Here are the 10 things I liked most about my boots.
#10 Boots hide your socks: When you wear boots it doesn’t matter what color your socks are, or if they have holes in them, because no one can see them. I happen to own exactly one pair of black socks and the rest are white cotton socks from JC Penney, some of them dating back to my high school days. And many of them are holier than a Catholic cemetery.
#9 They aren’t flip flops: Have you ever tried to buckle a pair of spurs on to a pair of moccasins, sandals or flip flops? It would be easier to perform brain surgery while trying to stay on the hurricane deck of a Brahma bull.
#8 They are a status symbol: When you wear cowboy boots other people associate you with a higher class of people, like truck drivers and cow buyers. Whereas, if you wear soft shoes the general public might mistake you for a lowly investment banker, CEO of a failed Fortune 500 company or the Treasury Secretary.
#7 Cowboy boots are sexy: Given the choice, I am told that a woman will pick a man wearing Lucchese cowboy boots every time over some namby-pamby dude wearing the most expensive Italian loafers or wing tips. When I wore cowboy boots I walked with a swagger and had self confidence. I felt more manly, free and brave knowing I could survive any attack by an ankle biting Dachshund. And if I died after being bit by a rattler or munched on by a grizzly at least I’d be a hero and die with my boots on.
#6 They hide your feet and you don’t have to polish them: Or at least I never did! I ask you, is there anything uglier in the world than a person’s feet? The popping veins, ugly ankles and a gnarly big toe that is shaded by that long, crooked appendage next to it. I swear, most people’s feet are as appealing to the eye as a crooked hay stack.
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#5 These boots are made for walking (and riding): not running, bowling, mowing the lawn or any one of a number of things that your wife is always harping at you to do. I’ve always found that boots provide the perfect excuse: “I’m sorry, I can’t go the beach because my boots don’t go with my Speedo,” or, “I’d love to go bike riding with you but wouldn’t you be embarrassed being seen with someone wearing a pair of bicycle shorts, skin tight shirt, dorky looking helmet and Tony Llamas? I thought so.”
#4 They are made from leather: I’ve always made my living off the cattle business and I was always proud to wear cowboy boots because they were made from the leather of American cattle. Oh sure, some expensive pairs of dress shoes are made from Italian leather, but they weren’t made in America, like every pair of cowboy boots I own. When was the last time you bought a pair of tennis shoes or house slippers that weren’t made in China?
#3 Your feet stay clean: I hate to admit this but I’ve always had a foot fetish. I never liked getting my feet real dirty. Cowboy boots keep out the dirt, rocks, stickers and squishy stuff that gets between your toes when wearing Nikes or Adidas. Anyone who has ever walked into a feedlot pen while wearing sandals knows what I mean.
#2 Boots make me taller: I am five feet ten inches tall in my bare feet and six feet four in my cowboy boots. Or, at least I feel like it. I’ve got a much loftier view of myself and the world in my boots than I do in a pair of soft shoes or slippers.
And the number one reason I prefer cowboy boots to other forms of footwear…
#1 You don’t have to tie them: And that’s a very big deal amongst fellow members of my social, economic and age demographic who many times can’t bend over to tie their shoes or, in some cases, can’t even see their feet to begin with.
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