Day Writing: The Ag Mom Resume | TSLN.com

Day Writing: The Ag Mom Resume

Heather Maude's Lyle and Kennedy are blessed by a hard working, conscientious and humor-loving mom! Photo courtesy Heather Maude

The beautiful, blessed and busy life of an ag mom doesn't leave much time or need for an updated resume. However, watching a recent tv ad (while feeding the baby) about updating or creating a quality resume made me consider what one may look like for a mom in the ag profession.

Professional skills

– Can make the appropriate sound for most John Deere tractor models in addition to doing minor and major repairs while simultaneously consoling their owner, who does not carry insurance and takes any breakdowns that keep him out of the field for even a few minutes very hard.

– Strong ability to locate renegade cattle, horses, hogs, sheep and even the occasional exotic animal. Can be accomplished any time of day, and am especially adept barefoot at 2 a.m.

– Able to keep a straight face while discussing the intricacies of toy animal anatomy and breeding, including but not limited to: accuracy of reproductive parts, questions about why certain reproductive parts are missing but animal visually appears as though it should have them, animal maturity, quality of animal, potential reproductive issues animal may have, breed and trueness of breed character.

– Capable of tagging and branding calves while pregnant, running the feed pickup and loading AI straws while nursing.

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– Can shift a six-speed pickup with a 32' trailer hooked on, sometimes without clutching, while filling a sippy cup or locating a dropped toy. Sadly, cannot always reach pacifier, but am able to park said rig just about anywhere in a matter of seconds to retrieve it. No wrecks on record. Pickup does need brakes.

– Vast knowledge of what to do when a variety of questionable livestock and crop products are ingested. Educated in how to save over $1,500 when worming a human toddler, and can efficiently use tweezers to remove corn stuck up noses.

– Proficient in maintaining a stash of extra clothes, snacks, diapers, wipes and toys in every vehicle. No guarantee on finding what is needed due to mess they create.

– Can recite my child's top 12 favorite books with appropriate emphasis and animal sounds added where needed, all by memory, thus proving I still have one.

– Adept at applying sunscreen to a toddler in less than 15 minutes.

Education

– Two year "associates" degree in firstborn childcare awarded on June 22, 2017.

– Began master's program in ag-based child care and sibling love on May 25, 2017 when baby number two arrived.

– Bachelor's degree in animal science. Very helpful on both the farming/ranching and pregnancy/birth/child rearing front.

Involvement

– Oversee daily tricycle herding of barnyard cats and dogs, with no major injuries to any party.

– Active in UNVURT (Untraditional, Non-Violent use of Ranch Tools), with focused work on sorting sticks and five gallon buckets.

– Married, and still happily involved with my husband. Please let him know if you see him.

Additional Skills

– Water checking, parts running, maid, cook, bill payer, livestock hauler, hired man, fence fixer, human taxi service, record keeper, unofficial vet tech and livestock midwife, phone call returner, cow gatherer, reminder of important events, commodity markets research analyst, financial advisor, writer of all things on the calendar, machinery operator, chore doer, vet scheduler, lawn mower, bale rower, weed sprayer, weather reporter, finder of anything lost, stopping blood flow, sub-par mechanic.

*Can do approximately zero-five of these per day, depending on how the baby naps and the toddler's outlook on life.

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