Lee Pitts: A friendly test
March 13, 2014
The word "friend" just might be the most overused word in the English language. The word has been diluted like watered wine, a bar drink, and the American dollar. Take for example a "Facebook friend." How can someone you have never met, and wouldn't recognize if you were stuck in an elevator together, be a friend? Obviously there are different levels of friendship. There are fair weather friends, true blue friends and the aforementioned Facebook friends. Put your friendships to the test by selecting the appropriate answers to these questions.
1. You and your team roping partner, and best friend, have made it to the USTRC finals and all you need to do is rope your last steer in less than nine seconds and you'll each receive $110,000 plus a gooseneck trailer full of fabulous prizes. After you miss the heels your partner (a) Slaps you on the back and says, "Let's go have a beer. (b) Advertises in the next issue of Super Looper for a new partner. (c) Slashes your ropes and your tires and says, "I never want to see you again."
2. Your wife of 20 years leaves you for someone else. Your "friend" then asks (a) "Is there anything I can do." (b) "When are you having the yard sale?" (c) "What's her phone number. She's a real hottie!"
3. After your friend wins $550 million in the lottery he or she (a) Gives you a million or two. (b) Gives you a sermon on how it would destroy your friendship if any money was exchanged. (c) Invites you to a celebratory dinner at an expensive restaurant and makes you pick up the check.
4. You have hit rock bottom and are begging alongside the road with a sign in your hand that says, "Will work for food." A friend drives by and (a) Pretends not to see you. (b) Throws a quarter your way and speeds away. (c) Hires you at half the minimum wage to scrub the inside of his septic tank.
5. As a male you ask a female friend if you can borrow a dress you happen to like, and beg her not to tell your little secret that you love to bake chocolate chip cookies, have a pedicure, sleep with body pillow, and go shopping. Your so-called friend (a) Still likes you anyway. (b) Only tells her husband and every member of the local Cattlewomen club. (c) Puts a picture of you in the dress on her Facebook page.
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6. You are thrown in jail and you use your one phone call to phone a friend. Does he or she (a) Let the answering machine pick up. (b) Bail you out but then blackmails you by demanding special favors. (c) Send you books of crossword and Sudoko puzzles and one titled 150 Ways To Play Solitaire In Your Spare Time.
7. You call a friend to help you work calves but this year, instead of roping them, the calves will be worked on a calf table. Your friend (a) Shows up, but is wearing a disguise. (b) Tells you they'd love to come but that is the day they have to dust the rutabaga plants (c) Never speaks to you again.
8. You tell your friend that the doctors have just advised you that you only have six months to live. Your friend (a) Gives you a kidney that will save your life. (b) Asks if they can come early to your estate sale to get a jump on the dealers. (c) Shares a good cry and then asks if he can have your season tickets for the next football season since you won't be using them.
Answers: If the answer was (a) in most cases, Congratulations! You have that rare and precious rare commodity: a true blue friend.
If (b) was the answer most of the time you are fair weather friends.
If the answer was (c) you are what are commonly referred to as Facebook Friends. I'd watch my back, my spouse and my pocketbook if I were you.