Lee Pitts: Shoot the moon | TSLN.com

Lee Pitts: Shoot the moon

In other news… did you see where China sent a spaceship to the moon? Although no human has set foot there in 37 years, I think China had a real purpose in going there. Either they were looking for someplace to warehouse all their extra people, or they were looking for someplace with even cheaper labor than their own.

This is the first moon news I’ve heard since two women Democrats in the House proposed a bill that would make the moon a National Park. I guess the feds haven’t already wasted enough money and acquired enough land out west that they can’t take care of, so now they are looking for land to disfigure in outer space. The bumbling bureaucrats can’t build a web site and now they think they can take care of a land mass 238,857 miles away? The Congresswomen said the purpose of their bill was to allocate money to clean up the mess we made on the moon, which consists of three golf balls, a plaque, and some abandoned vehicles. But that’s all that’s left of any value in Detroit too and I don’t see why we can’t waste the money a little closer to home.

Even though we already have a Craters of the Moon National Park in Idaho, the Congresswomen want us to make the moon a National Park to be managed by the Interior Department. I’m sure the good folks in Idaho would rather have the feds turn wolves loose on the moon rather than in their backyard and the Interior Department won’t have too much work to do because the moon’s surface already looks like the bleak and desolate land they’ve desecrated here on earth. And I suppose Forest Service employees could busy themselves driving their moon buggies back and forth from one regional office to another every day, just like they do here.

The more I think about it, perhaps there is merit in the Moon National Park idea after all. Maybe we should send Congress there on a fact finding mission and then accidentally run out of gas so they can’t come home. I think our Congressional pathfinders to the moon will find many similarities between the earth and the moon, for example, you won’t be able to keep your own doctor there either. And the barren landscape resembles our national forests after a terrible fire caused by the Interior Department’s horrific management. I really do think the Obamas should go on one of their many vacations to the moon because the total cost to us taxpayers can’t be as high as their last 17 day vacation to Hawaii was.

There is the slight problem of there being no air to breathe on the moon but I think the D.C. babbling and blathering gasbags and blowhards would create their own wind. Although totally tainted, the moon’s bad air would give the idiots at the EPA something else to to do and might keep them out of our hair for awhile.

Hillary could be our ambassador to the moon and she could take along our judges, and all our other criminals to settle the moon, just like convicts did in Australia and Georgia. The moon is a great project for the feds, after all, every animal is endangered there, and talk about climate change! It can get as high as 253 degrees and as cold as minus 243 degrees, which is even colder than most winter days in the Dakotas.

Admittedly, there are some obstacles to our colonization of the moon. We currently don’t have regularly scheduled moon trips, but we could hitch a ride with the Chinese, after all, we buy everything else from them. There is also the fact that there’s not much water on the moon, but it can’t be as dry as it is in California these days. Then there is this: in 1967 we signed an Outer Space Treaty not to colonize the moon. But a treaty is no problem, just ask the Crows, Cheyenne, Navajos, Apaches, Sioux, etc.

The more I think about it the more I think we ought to go ahead and make the moon another National Park, if for no other reason than to show the greenies what happens to a landscape when you don’t have any livestock grazing on it for a long time.

Lee Pitts

Lee Pitts: Ima Lame Brain


You know how some women lovingly refer to their husbands as darling, dear, honey bunch or creampuff? My wife uses none of those sappy or corny sentiments because she’s much too honest to engage in…

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