Baxter Black: The Half Polled Rooty Toot
October 17, 2018
Yer not gonna keep'er, still, are ya Dad?
She must be twelve years old.
I RECKON SHE'S CLOSER TO FOURTEEN NOW,
AND NATURALLY HALF POLLED.
You mean she was sired by a hornless bull?
NO. SHE'S JUST GOT ONE HORN.
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WHICH MAKES HER HALF POLLED OR BETTER YET
IT MAKES HER HALF UNICORN.
She could be half clam if your logic's right
Clams don't have any teeth.
YOU'RE CHANGIN' THE SUBJECT. WE'RE TALKIN' 'BOUT HORNS,
ONE, SHE WASN'T BEQUEATHED.
She could be half deer and just shed one off
While grazin' through the wire.
And checkin' this eye you might conclude
A cyclops was her sire.
Her stumblin' skip's like a circus horse,
Always takin' a bow.
SON, YOU'RE OVERLOOKIN' HER GREATEST TRAIT,
WHY, SHE'S A GAITED COW!
A half polled cyclops with teeth like a clam.
A gaited cow, to boot!
Why don't you start a new registered breed,
Call it the Rooty Toot!
Half the pinkeye, more room at the bunk,
And easier to ride.
Rooty Toot breeders will flock to your door.
Dad, don't you have any pride.
You're only lookin' to find an excuse
To keep her on the place.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW I MAKE MY DECISIONS
ON COST, IN EVERY CASE.
WHILE YOU WERE BABBLIN' AND RATTLIN' ON
TRYIN' TO VILIFY,
I DECIDED TO KEEP HER ONE MORE YEAR,
AND YOU'RE THE REASON WHY.
'CAUSE BEIN' THE PRACTICAL MAN THAT I AM,
I SAY, WASTE NOT, WANT NOT.
SEE, I SAW YOU GIVE HER THAT VITAMIN A
AND, I'D HATE TO WASTE THAT SHOT.