The Reindeer Flu | TSLN.com

The Reindeer Flu


You remember that Christmas a few years ago,when you waited all night for ol' Santy to show

Well, I heard the reason and it just might be true, the whole bunch came down with the dang reindeer flu!

The cowboy elves had been busy all day a doctorin' Donner and scatterin' hay

Dancer and Prancer were febrile and snotty, Comet and Cupid went constantly potty

Hallucinatory dementia was rampant, why, Blitzen imagined that he was Jed Clampett

Dasher got schizo and thought he was Trigger, while Vixen's obsessions got bigger and bigger

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By noon Santy knew they should find substitutes. So the cowboy elves went out searching recruits

They scoured the Artic for suitable prey, and bought them together to hook to the sleigh.

When Santy climbed up it was like a bad dream! A bull moose as old as the planks on the ark

With a head as big as a hammerhead shark stood hitched by a cow, Mrs. Santy's of course.

Then next in the tugs was a Clydesdale horse, He was pared with an elk whose antlers were crossed

An ostrich, a walrus and an old albatross were harnessed in line, but the last volunteer

Was a blue heeler dog with only one ear.

The cowboy elves gave a push to the sled as Santy reared back, cracked his whip, then he said

"On Cleo, on Leo, on Lefty and Jake, On Murphus, Redondo, on Lupe and Snake…"

Smoke from the runners cut tracks in the snow. The team headed south, but, where else could they go?

They started back East 'cause it got dark there first, and their luck which was bad, got progressively worse

By the time they hit Kansas the tugs had gone slack and all but the dog was now ridin' in back

Santy was desperate. What on earth could he do?

Then the lights of an airport hove into his view! Did they make it? You betcha, but here hangs the tale

Of how, on that Christmas they stayed on the trail

A man in Alaska said right after dawn, a low flying object passed over his lawn

He ran to the window and threw up the sash and heard someone shouting, "Fer Pete's sake, don't crash!

On Budget, on Thrifty, look out Alamo, I didn't take out the insurance, you know.

And you, Number Two, try harder, yer Avis! On Dollar, On Hertz, Rent-a-Wreck, you can save us

An extra day's charge if we make it by nine, though the drop off will cost us a bundle this time

Merry Christmas," yelled Santy, but he was all smiles 'cause al least he'd signed up for unlimited miles.

So that's how it happened as best I recall, when it looked like that Christmas might not come at all

And the truth of the matter, we all owe a cheer to the Wichita office of Rent-a-Reindeer.