Baxter Black: To Be Honest
I was walkin’ through the show barn at the Stock Show. As I passed two fellers sittin’ ‘round a tack box, I heard the words, “Well, to be honest…”
I froze in my tracks! It’s been my experience that anything preceded by those four words usually turns out to be a windy conglomeration of half-truths, excuses, sales pitches and exaggerated claims bound to make even the most gullible sucker have second thoughts.
“Well, to be honest, the guy I bought her from said she’d settled every time that he bred her. So I think my A.I. man must have a faulty tank.”
“Well, to be honest,” said the horse trader, “I’ve never seen him limp like that. It must be the humidity.”
“Well, to be honest,” said the purebred man to the show superintendent, “I’ve noticed that discoloration on her belly myself, and occasionally her calves have a white tail, but two years ago they built a nuclear power plant down the road from the farm. Shoot, even my Labrador bitch has spotted pups!’
“Well, to be honest, I’d never thought of sellin’ this bull. His weight per day of age was tops in my herd and I’ve been offered $50,000 for him…but if you’re really interested…”
“Well, to be honest,” said the fieldman to the breeder, “I’d like to help you put on your sale but I’m booked that day. When is it?”
“Well, to be honest,” said the auctioneer after the sale, “It was dang good for what we had.”
“Well, to be honest,” said the lady to her neighbor in Amway, “I believe in what you’re doin’ but I’m busy the next five years.”
“Well, to be honest,” said the truck salesman, “I did flip it but it tracks as good as it ever did.”
“Well, to be honest, I did buy one of his bulls after he beat me at the state show, but he repossessed it after sixty days. I think mine are better anyway.”
“Well, to be honest,” said the rancher to the vet, “I noticed her water broke yesterday.”
“Well, to be honest,” said the husband to his wife, “I knew our anniversary was last Sunday. I was just waitin’ to see if you remembered.”
“Well, to be honest, I did think of stoppin’ off for a quick one with the boys but I changed my mind, but you’ll never believe what happened…”
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