Baxter Black: A Cowboy’s Guide to Vegetarians
In an effort to foster an understanding between cowboys and vegetarians, it is crucial to debunk certain myths.
MYTH #1) Vegetarians are all left wing, liberal Democrats raised by Baby Boomers who voted for Al Gore.
Not so. The average vegetarian is a 48 year-old woman who was forced to eat her broccoli before she could have dessert! It was not until President Bush came out of the closet and announced his dislike for broccoli, that he found a cause some vegetarians could rally behind! Three registered as Republicans!
MYTH #2) Vegetarians have no sense of humor
This myth is still under study. It appears that vegetarians see very little humor in cows being accused of belching huge quantities of methane into the atmosphere. But they get a chuckle when someone throws ketchup on a mink coat. It just goes to show that what is funny depends on whose ox (or kumquat) is being gored.
MYTH #3) Vegetarians are a vanishing breed
An interesting myth. They are holding their own, approximately 2 percent of the U.S. population. But the turnover is high. The percentage is also affected by immigrants, ethnic minorities and the poor. As they improve their lifestyle they feed their family more meat. In a constant effort to maintain their ranks, vegetarians align themselves with like-minded groups who might help them vegetate; New Wave trade shows, psychic conventions and the Hare Krishna.
MYTH #4) Most vegetarians became vegetarians because their mother said liver was good for them.
As good a reason as any, but not necessarily so. Snoopy, Garfield and Mickey had more influence than mom. These were animals who ate chocolate chip cookies and lasagna. They could sing and knew Justin Bieber. They could speak and go to heaven. It followed that Barney and Babe had human feelings too and didn’t relish being eaten. Vegetarians feel sorry for drumsticks and Baco Bits.
MYTH #5) All vegetarians are alike
Wrong again! Some vegetarians eat fish and chicken (the reasoning here escapes me. Maybe their cuddle-factor is too low?) Others will eat only eggs and milk. That’s a practical decision, I suspect. One can pass up a Spam sandwich or a bowl of menudo but it’s not so easy to turn down chocolate mint ice cream. And there is a small group of believers who eschew even the wearing of wool or leather. They are easily identified wearing petrochemical derivatives and a plastic shower cap!
NOTE: NEXT WEEK…A VEGETARIAN’S GUIDE TO COWBOYS!
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