Coup De Grace
“Well, at least it isn’t broken,” he said as he wiped his face
With his good arm. “Although it might be a smidgen outta place.
That sucker sure did buck hard! I’m glad I was wearin’ my hat
Or I’da punched right through that net wire fence and hung there like a bat!
Dadgummit! Where’s the rest of my shirt? All but the sleeves are gone!
And my chest has got a pattern you could make a waffle on!
I remember him a’squallin’ with my collar in his teeth
as I flopped from neck to shoulder like a rubber Christmas wreath!
Have ya seen my other bat wing leg? I had it, I’da sworn.
I never wear just half a pair. Musta hooked it on the horn
When he ran it up my pantleg where my inseam used to be
And my off hind boot is missin’, aw, shoot, that don’t bother me,
It could still be in the stirrup ‘cause I had a deadman’s grip!
I made several revolutions from his belly to his hip,
Checked the bosal and the back cinch as I orbited around!
He pumped me like a plumber plungin’ dirty water down!
Then bounced me off the buckin’ rolls when he went to changin’ gears!
I did a back flip and catapulted out between his ears
But I hung tight to the neck rein as I spun and ricocheted
Like someone tied a chicken to a helicopter blade!
I was airborne several minutes ‘fore I landed in a heap
And, exceptin’ for this hatband there ain’t nothin’ left to keep!
Can’t remember if he kicked me but these tracks are livin’ proof,
This here trademark on my pocket looks suspiciously like hoof.
Don’t know how the sucker bucked me off. It happened way too fast
But nobody has to tell this fool that I been coop de grassed!
It’s a story old as cowboys and sometimes the horses win
But, at least it isn’t broken, so best catch’im up again!”
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Outtagrass Cattle Co. cartoon by Jan Swan Wood for the Oct. 16, 2021, edition of Tri-State Livestock News