Lee Pitts: Poco Not So Bueno
As we continue to unwind the double DNA helix, more and more genetic diseases like HYPP, GBED, HERDA and PSSM are popping up that can turn a valuable stud into horse meat for Frenchmen. For example, I used to think highly of the Quarter Horse Poco Bueno, but not after he was found to carry the recessive gene for HERDA, a genetic skin disease found in Quarter Horses. Researchers now think that Poco Bueno’s sire line, going all the way back to the legendary foundation sire King, may be responsible for the genetic disorder. In other words, Poco is not so bueno any more. Whereas he used to be referred to in hushed, reverential tones by a pedigree reader at a horse sale, even if he was five generations back in a pedigree, now a reader or auctioneer doesn’t dare mention Poco Bueno’s name.
Genetic diseases have also popped up in previously valuable cattle which prompted a pedigree cleansing in which beautiful, high dollar cows ended up in someone’s Big Mac. What we haven’t realized yet is most of our politicians and bureaucrats have also been found to carry highly destructive genetic disorders. For example…
SICKO- This genetic disorder in politicians causes them to send nude photos of themselves to young interns. These career politicians can be found laying around and guzzling from the public trough. They are inefficient, eat more than their fair share, can’t forage for themselves and originally crawled out of the quagmire of New York or California.
HERDA- This isn’t the horse disease of the same name but is a human disorder in which the afflicted blindly follows the herd, always voting the party line. Upon being autopsied they are found to have no conscience. They are more than willing to lay down YOUR life for their country and the disease can last anywhere from two to 65 years. They are easily identified because they refer to their colleagues as “The Honorable So and So.” Even if they are only honorable imbeciles.
SPIDER- When I was in the club lamb business we bought a ewe one time to use for breeding only to find out later that she had spider syndrome, more formally known as ovine hereditary chondrodysplasia. This recessive disorder affects the growth of cartilage and bone in sheep and if you looked at the crooked front legs of our SPIDER ewe they looked like two parentheses: ( ). There are also glassy eyed, SPIDER politicians who are even more crooked. SPIDER politicians weave intricate financial webs and then spend most of their time trying not to get caught up in them.
SOB- These inbred SOB’s care only about getting reelected and will do anything to keep his or her cushy job. They approach everything with an open mouth, speak stupidly and use wishy-washy words for hours on end without really saying anything.
ASS- Also known as the jackass gene, these inbred despicable people are easy to spot because they begin every sentence with, “Frankly, to tell you the truth,” or, “Honestly, in all candor…” Some who’ve studied these blockheaded blowhards think it’s actually swamp gases that caused their genetic deviation. They have oily skin, are really lazy, but should be considered dangerous. They spend most of their time lying on one side and then lying on the other.
OPM- Politicians and bureaucrats with this recessive trait are known primarily for participating in prepaid elections and spending other people’s money (OPM). They make grunting noises, root around in the mud, are fat and lazy and squeal like a stuck pig when caught.
PPPP- This stands for “pandering pimps of political power” which pretty much tells you all you need to know about them. As Will Rogers once said in referring to others of their ilk, “Once they get the disease they are absolutely no good for honest work.”
There is no known cure for any of these diseases. Help is definitely NOT on the way. The only thing we can do is to never vote for a career politician who lives near, or has spent any time in, Washington DC. To paraphrase something else Will Rogers said about the swamp, “You can’t get the water to clear up until you get the pigs out of the creek.”