Lee Pitts: Save Me, Save Me
We could all learn a thing or two from the eco-terrorists who worship trees and owls but hate people. Instead of fighting them we should join them. We’ve got plenty of endangered species in agriculture that need preserving.
I’d be willing to bet that there are fewer Hays Converter cattle in this country than there are spotted owls and yet nobody is willing to lock up Oregon for them. There are so few Red Polls, Marchigianas, Ayrshires, Scotch Highlanders and Beefalos held in captivity that they all should be micro-chipped, tongue-tattooed, radio collared and tracked by a satellite.
I know there are enough Hereford cattle to preserve that proud breed but how about Hereford Hogs? When was the last time you saw one of them? Based on my observations I’d say there only about a dozen Southdown sheep left in captivity and yet not one single environmental group that I know of is raising money to save them. This is a travesty! They are wonderful sheep and produce mouth-watering lamb chops.
Come to think of it, there are several sub-species of humans that are well on their way to extinction too. We’d all be a lot better off in this country if instead of trying to save pond weed and kangaroo rats we tried to save…
*That small number of kids who can read and write a simple declarative sentence after graduating from college.
*The last driver to actually use a turn signal to communicate with other drivers instead of a digit of his or her hand.
*While there are still a few loggers and lumber men remaining in the wild we should try to cultivate them in order to insure future generations that they will learn the skills of these craftsmen, such as how to make lumber, build log homes and make soft toilet paper.
*I am told that a man in South Dakota was actually seen giving up his seat for a lady! What a rare individual. He really ought to be in a zoo, or at least under the federal witness protection service.
*One species of humans that we should spend a lot of money preserving is that clerk in a grocery store in Lubbock who can actually add and subtract in her head. The federal government ought to pay Texas A & M 100 million dollars to drain some DNA from her body and use it to create GMO humans who can perform simple long division problems without the aid of a smart phone.
*Another rare breed of person that is becoming more endangered everyday is the person who is able to afford his or her own home. If we keep shutting down and burning up forests this breed is doomed to live under bridges in appliance cartons.
*The government should immediately lock up the entire state of California to preserve the last person to say “Thank You,” the last person to remember that milk doesn’t come from a grocery store, the last person to work six hours of an eight hour work day and the last kid that was actually raised by his parents instead of the day care center.
*Finally, we need to preserve the most endangered of all species: the last politician who ran for office because he or she actually wanted to serve the people and his or her country. It may already be too late to find one of these but if by chance we do find one he or she ought to be stuffed, mounted and put in that part of the Smithsonian dedicated to rare birds.