Lee Pitts: The Difference Between Cats And Dogs | TSLN.com

Lee Pitts: The Difference Between Cats And Dogs

If you asked a random sampling of 100 Americans if they dislike dogs or cats only 4 out of the 100 would say they dislike dogs. But a whopping 28 would turn up their noses and tell you that they are violently allergic to cats. I find it hard to believe that an animal that barks all night, chews on your furniture, runs up expensive vet bills, piddles on the rug and has to be taken for walks at all hours of the day and night is man’s best friend. In many ways cats are far superior. And, may I say, I hate cats!

First of all, there can be no denying that cats are smarter than dogs. When was the last time that you saw ten cats pulling a two hundred pound man on a sled over the frozen tundra, nipping at the nose of a wild cow or diving into a freezing lake to return a dead duck? Cats are much too smart for that. In fact, cats are among the smartest members of the animal kingdom, while dogs rate only slightly smarter than the snail darter. Lose a dog four miles from home and you may never see him again. Drop off a cat 50 miles from home and it will beat you back to the house. Cats have been known to unlock doors and turn knobs, while dogs on the other hand, have been known to bury things in the backyard and then forget where they put them. Cats don’t play dead or shake hands with strangers either, like dogs do.

Speaking of do…. cats are cleaner than dogs. They are always grooming themselves and making proper use of the cat box. Or in the absence of kitty litter they have the decency to cover up what they just did. Dogs leave their calling card on fire hydrants, white sidewall tires and the front lawn. Disgusting creatures these dogs.

To get a dog to the point where you can present him in public requires that he graduate from obedience school. Cats win friends and influence people without reading books about it. Admittedly, cats have the disgusting habit of walking up to you and rubbing against your pant leg, but that is far better than jumping up and implanting their muddy paws on your clean shirt like dogs are fond of doing. There is nothing friendlier than a dirty dog.

I suppose one attribute of dogs is they’ll come if you call their name whereas if you call a cat they’ll take your name and get back to you later. Or not. In that respect they are much like plumbers, children and me.

Cats can also take better care of themselves than dogs. Dogs panhandle at the dinner table while ranch cats find their own food. They are the best mouse trap ever invented and are generally in better physical condition than dogs. It is a recorded fact that a cat once fell out of a five story building and landed unharmed on its feet. My dog fell out of the front of the pick-up and it cost $450 to put all the parts back in their proper place.

Let’s be honest, the real reason people prefer dogs over cats is because dogs have a more macho image. People who don’t have the guts to bite people themselves own Rottweilers, Pit Bulls, and Police Dogs. Even if all they are good for is sitting around eating donuts. Of course, there are some less macho dogs like the Lhassa Apso, Pekingnese or Miniature Maltese but a real dog owner will tell you these are cats pretending to be dogs.

I’ve heard it said that dogs are man’s best friend because they don’t give advice, never borrow money and don’t have any in-laws. And without them there would be no doggy-bag!

The real reason that 25 percent of the population hate cats is because they simply don’t trust them like they do a dog. And therein lies a lesson for us all. Dogs do everything in the world that is wrong, dirty and disgusting but they are honest and so we love them. Cats, on the other hand, always appear to be sneaking around. If the truth were known, cats are just like religious cults, politicians and do-gooders. They do just as many bad things but you can hardly ever catch them at it.

Lee Pitts