Lee Pitts: Watermelon People | TSLN.com

Lee Pitts: Watermelon People

In today’s society where up is down, right is wrong, man is woman and woman is man, the biggest lie of all is that the folks who live in huge, crowded cities with polluted air and constant noise are the environmentalists and you who live under clear skies and the only noise is created by a cow, a cricket, or a coyote are somehow evil defilers of the environment. What has the world come to when all you have to do to be green is write a check once a year to the Sierra Club, fret about the ozone layer and have a bumper sticker on your car that says, “Bring back the bison, sing back the swan?”

We’ve turned into a nation of know-it-alls who live in multi-story concrete condominiums who consider themselves experts on the environment because they drive a Prius, probably powered by a battery that derives its energy from a coal fired power plant. When it comes to understanding nature we find ourselves surrounded by greedy lawyers, small minds who live in big houses, pseudo-scientists and idiotic talk show hosts who think they are the salvation of mother earth. I think they are missing a few raisins in their trail mix, if you know what I mean? Their smart phones are more intelligent than they are.

Why is Leonardo De Caprio considered an environmentalist when his jet spews more noxious fumes into the air on one coast to coast trip from Hollywood to New York than a rancher does on his horse in his or her lifetime? Why are the folks who leave tons of trash behind after celebrating Earth Day considered green but not the country folks who stayed home to tend their garden or water a few trees? Why are folks called environmentalists who agonize over “paper or plastic”, but not the ranch wife who walks to her garden and carries her food home in a reusable basket?

I don’t understand the people trying to outrun the smog they helped create who move to the country and then try to remake it in the image of the Hell-hole they just left. Why are they the environmentalists but not the good people who created the welcoming environment to begin with? Frankly, I’ve had it with idiots raised on the pavement who move to the country and then want to fix the ecological imbalance by holding fundraisers for greedy green groups so they can evict ranchers who’ve been on the land for five or six generations and created the idyllic environment the greenies coveted. I swear, we’re living in an era of natural nonsense, enviro twaddle and eco blather spouted by ecomeddlers and limousine liberals who step high over bugs to avoid squishing them and ride electric bikes and therefore know everything there’s to know about the natural world.

In my lifetime I’ve visited the homes of hundreds of ranchers and believe me, they were the ultimate recyclers long before that became trendy. Nothing is wasted on a ranch. The hog gets the leftovers and clothes are worn until even Goodwill won’t take them. Ranchers never throw anything away as evidenced by the piles of old baling wire they use for fixing everything from a balky carburetor to a sagging fence. I’ve even seen ranch women weave fascinating fabric from old baler twine. There’s always a row of old cars and trucks they’ve owned that they steal parts off of until they become skeletons, or the price of scrap iron rises high enough to sell. Ranch wives can vegetables and sausage in reusable Mason jars and some even still hang their clothes on a clothesline to dry in the fresh air. (For those born after 1970, a clothesline is powered only by sun and wind.)

The rancher waters and feeds the elk and other wildlife and his cows fertilize the soil, eat down grass and weeds to lessen the available fuel for fire, and their hooves break up the soil to absorb more rainwater. They should be a greenies best friend.

So why do they hate us so much and call for a rural cleansing?

Because they are watermelon people: green on the outside but red on the inside. They are socialists who need someone to be mad at and you are it because you own land and they don’t.

How dare you?