The Cowboy Pastor’s Wife, Norma Elliott: Botox and Bovines
Last night I was scrolling around on Insta and saw a post from a much, much younger friend of mine. She is a beautiful young lady and a model. I noticed she had entered a botox give away. I scrolled on through and began to notice how beautiful her lips were. I don’t normally admire someone’s lips..that’s odd… but hers had been done just right and were actually quite pretty. They were not like the botox lips on previous generations, like those wax candy lips you could buy at the five and dime. They were pouty and cute and all the sudden I wanted lips like that.
Youthful and plump! I got up and walked to the mirror and examined mine and surprisingly I was pleased. Mine too looked plump and red. Oh wow…I don’t need botox at all..mine look great!. Then I remembered what had happened a few days before, while chasing a cow down into a creek bottom. I was trying to be a good hand, and not let the old gal go up the creek, like she usually does and in my scurrying down rocks, a catclaw caught my bottom lip, like velcro on tennis shoes. I almost felt like my bottom lip wrapped around my head for a moment but it let go as my chase continued. I reached up to touch my lip and as expected, blood was already dripping down. To add to the traumatization, the abnormal heat and wind added a ruby red tone and throbbed like I had undergone surgery.
It wasn’t botox that made them look this way, it was bovine. I wondered if I had found a new method, a cowgirl one of sorts. Could I possibly sell catclaw and some type of whipping motion device to replicate this treatment? Could I come up with something for gals to use at home? Perhaps a high powered fan with a light over head that could act as sun and wind. I could make a million with this unique patent. Women no longer would need to go in for injections, they could do it themselves in the comfort of their own home. My mind was wild with invention and I wondered what else I could add to my line of Bovine Beauty. Could I add manure mask? Apply right after you get exfoliated from loading feed into the trip hopper from the over head bin. What about treatments for skin and hair..well tank water is full of minerals..and who knows what else.. could this be the remedy for all kinds of issues? I could ship out canning jars with fancy labels and set up shop in the tack room. Saddle soap could double as night cream and hoof maker, could be applied during manicures. The possibilities are endless.
I wondered… “Has anyone thought of this?” and I am ready to set up shop but then I stop myself. Why give away the secret? I’m saving money and ranchin’ at the same time.
This is reserved for the few woman left who put in the work. The ones who find the beauty in the sunsets and sunrises and the ones who look into the faces of the older ranch woman and admires her laugh lines and scars. The one who knows it’s not about looks at all. Instead fillers are known as people who fill in gaps while gathering cows and they are the ones filling the gaps when you need them in life. No I believe I will keep the secrets and count my blessings to what God has already given me and I hope you will too.
I will leave you with this…
“The LORD bless you and keep you; the LORD make his face shine on you and be gracious to you”
…and I can’t think of a more effective beauty treatment! Keep ranchin’ my friends! Thank you for reading…the cowboy pastor’s wife.
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Outtagrass Cattle Co. cartoon by Jan Swan Wood, for the Feb. 20, 2021, edition of Tri-State Livestock News