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Winter Cattle Journal 2025 | If a Cattleman were President  

Mayzie’s Canon R6
Mayzie’s Canon R6

The world would change overnight, 

If a cattleman were president.  

So, stroll with me down the road of “what if?” 



And let’s see how life would be different.  

Any ag-related policy issues would be dealt with right off the bat, 



Such as carbon credits and labeling laws.  

We could deal with the social justice issues later on,  

First, let’s fix our food system flaws.  

Our money situation would be fixed lickity split, 

No more sticking out our generous blue, white, and red necks.  

The national debt? Paid off completely… 

Only, of course, after we’ve received our calf checks. 

The White House would have to be repainted, 

Come on: White house for a rancher? It’d get way too dirty.  

It’d covered in manure, hay, and motor oil,  

And it’d smell like the stalls at the Kentucky derby.  

Employment would be up 1000%, 

There’d be no tolerance for moochers or bums.  

Everyone would be responsible for their own earnings,  

There’d be no handouts; no free money; no crumbs.  

The typical workday would start at sun-up, 

No need to waste precious daylight.  

It’d end at sundown, 9-5 be danged. 

And we’d be on call, for every occasion, every single night.  

Minimum wage would sway from year to year, 

It really just depends on the cattle market.  

It might go down due to a packing plant hiccup, 

But if the grass stays green all summer, it could skyrocket.  

Our Healthcare Plan would be easy to remember: 

Doctors visits? Never heard of ’em.  Full coverage? Non-existent.  

It’s not like anyone would ever need a doctor anyway,  

The “Rancher-Care” policy would simply be “rub some dirt on it.” 

The Dietary Guidelines for Americans would have some tweaks. 

No “fru-fru” foods to be recommended.  

Our national plates would be made up of beef, potatoes —  

Just the way our cattle loving God intended.  

The department of defense would have their work cut out for them.  

We’d enter every battle with no spare white flags, 

Because we’d only fight on American-internet-soil, 

In the never-ending war of agriculture vs. social media anti-ags. 

Party lines would have to be abolished, 

No more picking between red and blue.  

There’d only be one party to affiliate with: 

We’d stand united as a fiscally responsible, beef loving political crew.  

Now, this is all fun and games,  

We’ll never see a cattleman in the executive branch.  

Sure, I think they’d be great at the job!  

But they’d never trade the Oval Office for their ranch. 

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