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Lee Pitts

Lee Pitts: Social Insecurity

January 25, 2018 — m November 17, 2017 was a BIG day in our lives. It's a day my wife and I have been working towards since we were teenagers. It's the day we signed up for Social Insecurity. I've paid into Social Insecurity since I was 16 years

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Lee Pitts: Ladycrats and Republimans

January 19, 2018 — World War III isn't going to be between the United States and Russia or the Mideast, it's going to be between men and women. And it won't be fought with guns and bombs because women are too smart for that. Instead they'll try to starve

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Lee Pitts: In Theory

January 12, 2018 — I used to have this theory, now debunked, that postulated that if you added up the IQ of a person with the IQ of their dog the total would be exactly the same in every case. For example, if you add up the IQ of

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Lee Pitts: Fastidious Farming

January 5, 2018 — Farm wives will like this bit of news that farming may soon go dirtless, at least according to a company called Indoor Farms of America. There will be no more dirty clothes to wash or messes to clean up when your hubby forgets to leave

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Lee Pitts: The best present ever

December 26, 2017 — Like the coming of winter he arrives every year about this time. Much the same as the shopping mall Santa, the Donkey Man is a seasonal ornament. And quite a colorful one too. The Donkey Man makes himself at home at the city limits and

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Lee Pitts: The Absolute Worst

December 19, 2017 — "Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?" George Carlin I spent 40 years of my life driving 50,000 miles per year going to and from cattle auctions. During that time

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Lee Pitts: The Duke And I

December 13, 2017 — I received tons of feedback to the column I wrote about meeting celebrity animal stars like Jet Deck, Peppy San Badger, Bertha the Elephant, Poco Bueno and Borden's Elsie the Cow. Okay, so I only received one letter in response, but it was a long

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Lee Pitts: You be the judge

December 7, 2017 — I have mixed emotions about the show ring and where it fits in with today's data-driven cattle business. I grew up showing cattle and being on judging teams and I think I learned more in those activities than I ever did in school. Participating in

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Lee Pitts: Why Didn’t I Think Of That?

November 28, 2017 — There have been a few inventions in the cattle business that made me say to myself, "Self, you big dummy, why didn't you invent that?" I knew immediately that a gun you could shoot to vaccinate your cattle would be a winner. Now when you're

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Lee Pitts: Drug Lords

November 15, 2017 — He walked into the dump of a diner the regulars called "Aphids Place" and quickly surveyed the landscape. There were only six tables with six more seats at a dirty counter. He was there because an anonymous snitch said a major drug deal would be

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Lee Pitts: Visiting Dignitaries

November 6, 2017 — Like chuck-line riding cowboys of yesteryear, they go from ranch to ranch, carrying the news and performing a job no one else wants, let alone can do. Other than a few cowboy poets and purebred bull auctioneers, they are the only celebrities we have in

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Lee Pitts: Deliver Us From Evil

November 3, 2017 — Did you see where Amazon, the fourth most valuable company in the world, bought Whole Foods? This has the trillion dollar grocery industry all atwitter and even has Wal Mart shakin' in its shorts. So much so that it came up with the idea of

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The Trump Bump and Cattle

October 19, 2017 — What's that foreign feeling in the air at your local livestock auction? It's a strange euphoric feeling we haven't felt since the good old days way back in 2014. Could it be, nah, it couldn't be optimism, could it? Last autumn we'd all been a

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Lee Pitts: Perfect Nonsense

October 18, 2017 — I can't imagine a Christmas without kids. Holidays like Thanksgiving and Christmas are made special by those with wet diapers, no hair or teeth. And that's just the old fogies amongst us, the babies are even more entertaining. At last year's Thanksgiving feast we had

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Lee Pitts: Seen from Afar

October 11, 2017 — Americans collect things, everything from expensive wristwatches to empty food containers. Some collect things that cannot be possessed like bird and celebrity sightings, while others collect hard evidence of those sightings with photos and autographs. As for me, I collect sightings of famous and odd

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Lee Pitts: Bring back the blobs

October 6, 2017 — From the Lee Pitts archives… Eighteen states have sued the feds over some new twists to the Endangered Species Act. A species no longer has to be few in number to be listed, only its habitat has to be "endangered." There might be trillions of

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Lee Pitts: And You Think I’m Cheap?

September 27, 2017 — Did you ever wonder where some of the curious expressions that we use very day originated? I have. For example, I wish someone would tell me when I engage in conversation it is referred to as "shooting the bull?" Why do people say I'm not

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Lee Pitts: I’ll Let You Go Now

September 21, 2017 — I'm the last person in America who doesn't own a cell phone so when your phone doesn't ring, it's me. I have a good reason for being a telephonicphobiac… I'm a writer and I think it was Anonymous who said, "For a writer all phone

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Lee Pitts: Non-refundable

September 12, 2017 — My friend Frank was facing an all-too-common problem: he owned a beautiful ranch that his kids wanted no part of. His son in California is a budding entrepreneur (he builds hothouses for pot growers), and his daughter is a vegan/animal rightist who hates cows and

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Lee Pitts: Rattled

September 6, 2017 — Despite having lived in, or near, rattlesnake country my entire life I've never known anyone who actually got bit by one, let alone got bit and lived to tell the tale. Until now, that is. We've lived in our house for over 30 years and

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