Baxter Black: In The Doghouse
It’s not easy being a missionary distributing religious pamphlets door to door. Home-owners will go to extremes to avoid listening to you.
Audrey and her husband, Walter, have a ranch in British Columbia around Fraser Lake. They are cattle people and run the place pretty much by themselves. Walter had gone out to check the cows one morning. After doin’ breakfast dishes, Audrey headed out to the shop to get somethin’. Midway she was surprised by a sneeze. It dislodged her upper plate and they hit the gravel six feet away. In the time it took her to blink, Daisy, her new pup raced in, scooped up the dentures and was off like a shot!
“Here Daisy . . . here, Daisy . . . good dog . .. yer a good puppy . . . give mama her teeth. Come, Daisy . . . sit . . . stay . . . Daisy! Come here you miserable little excuse for mongrel’s offspring. You paper eatin’, cat chasin’, slipper chewin’, sorry no good . . . Here Daisy, No! No! Git over here before I pound you into taco meat . . . !” Daisy and the old dog, Blue, were makin’ big circles in the yard with Audrey hot on their heels alternately coaxing and cussing the canine teeth thief!
Daisy dropped the teeth. Just as Audrey dove for the slobbery dentures, Blue swooped in and scooped ‘em up. Out into the driveway the three of them raced. Back and forth between the shop and the garden fence. “Blue, come here. Whoa, Blue . . . drop those teeth or you’ll be bear bait! Come on, Blue . . .”
Blue smiled at her. He looked like Miss America.
Then he dropped the teeth but Daisy intercepted before Audrey could make her move. Daisy raced to the dog house situated by the back door porch and dived in. Audrey followed till she was waist deep and wrestled the precious dentures from Daisy. Just as she started to back out she heard gravel crunch and a car door slam. Footsteps tromped up to the back door.
The voices of two women were introducing themselves and asking Audrey personal questions about her religion. Actually they were talking to Audrey’s protruding backside. Audrey had her teeth in her hand. They were slippery, sticky and covered with dirt. She had a short conversation from inside the doghouse and very quickly the ladies departed.
As Audrey breathed a sigh of relief she heard one of the ladies say, “You know, some people will go to any lengths . . .”