Hollenbeck: The gate opener

Anyone that ever grew up on a farm or ranch, has ever lived on one, or are currently doing so, has had an experience that is possibly not a happy one involving the opening or shutting of a gate. Barbed wire gates that are attached to a sturdy post of some sort are the worst kind. A friend, Larry Larson of Rapid City, posted a series of videos depicting the life of a ranch woman experiencing the gate-opening ordeal. That video, although intended to be humorous, was spot-on accurate about the stages of her experience. It began with courtship, where the fellow gets out, opens the gate, drives through, then gets out and shuts the gate while she watches this polite young man in the process. Then comes the engagement era where he apparently is prepping on the fine art of working a gate. Next is the newlywed stage where he lets her out to handle the gate opening and shutting process. She did well. Lastly, well into the marriage where “getting the gates” is part of her wifely duties, whether or not in the company of the husband. In this last video, he is shown driving the ranch rig, she is trying to close a gate that is way too tight for her, he finally gets out to assist and the argument ensues. Now most of us that have been in that situation know exactly what was said, and I can assure you it does not involve pretty words. Both my husband and I had a good laugh watching that video because it hit home. From the many comments on Larry’s post, it also hit home to many folks.

Because I am a farmer’s daughter and rancher’s wife, I could write a book on experiences involving gates. One of my most memorable ones happened within a year after I had surgery to remove a brain tumor. We were in the midst of haying, but because I wasn’t really up to spending long, hot days in the hayfield, I did small jobs around the ranch, like checking water in the pastures. Probably because of my weakened condition, I wasn’t strong enough to open the wire gate in one of our pastures…the one with a long, skinny hedge post stuck into a wire loop at the bottom and with another wire loop at the top. Actually, I don’t know anyone tough enough to open it, and I did not have fence-stretchers with me. I finally got the top loop wedged off, the darned thing popped like it had been shot, and that hedge-post stick hit me right beside my left eye. Needless to say, I headed to the hay field to inform my husband (in not real friendly terms) that he needed to go shut that gate! Two days later, I had an appointment in Omaha with one of my neurosurgeons. When he saw the major shiner I was sporting, he immediately asked what happened. After my explanation, his first question was, “Do you have a spare tire on your pickup?” I answered “no”. He then asked where we kept our spare tire. I said, “If there is one, it’s probably back in the box,” while thinking that his questioning was a little strange. He then said, “Well my mom has a spare tire on the front of her pickup and when she encounters a gate she can’t open, she just rams it with that tire, goes home and tells my dad he needs to go fix the gate.” That well-known brain surgeon was ranch-raised, so in addition to a medical checkup, I received some sound “ranch wife advice” from a brain surgeon in Omaha. When I returned home, I was welcomed with a new handy-dandy gate opener!